Sordid Sentients

It appears that with every new job I acquire there is endless opportunity to choose nicknames for co-workers. Who has time to actually work when there is bullshit corporate law firm time to waste with the name game? I did the same exact thing 4 years ago at a company in Oakland, CA. I did it again 2 years later at my prior law firm job in Berkeley, CA. And now I'll do the same exact thing here in the big rotten apple. Below is an ongoing list of the select people I seem to encounter on a daily basis. This list is open for interpretation and is subject to alteration/deletion at any time. It is highly biased, one dimensional, and exceptionally mean spirited. Let the good times roll.

Relics: Old lifers who are usually of the secretarial variety. They sit like frozen pillars of salt, eternally gazing into their computer monitors, wasting away year after year in a world that is quickly passing them by.

Sling: One of the many partners who has had his arm in a sling since I've started working here.

The Batwing: Insane, cracked out, hyper realistic secretary who speaks with an East coast accent and sounds like a squawking little child.

Legs yet: Paralegal with oddly skinny yet muscular legs

The Lump: Frat boy dickhead paralegal who seemed kinda nice at first but is ultimately a total douchebag. Called me a tourist one day. I should kick his fat ass.

Far Set: Extremely annoying paralegal with a pair of "far set" eyes. Like the singer from that band Garbage, but less attractive, if that is possible. One of the many overachieving, conceited, Ivy League paralegals who work here and make my life a living hell.

Lech: One of the cafeteria workers who constantly eyeballs all of the young women who come in to get their little sandwiches and sit to eat and gossip about superficial bullshit.

Screamer Sister: Annoying and immature paralegal who sits in the opposite room and talks loudly on the phone so that other can listen clearly to her screaming at some unknown party. Reminds me of my crazy sister.

The Uff: Strange and silent red headed attorney who always glares at me when I walk by his office. His last name is "Uff".

Skeletal Reception: Very irritable and mean skeleton-like receptionist whom I got into an argument with the first week on the job. Total bitch. The receptionists here are supposed to check everyone in when they first arrive in the morning. I do not agree with this rule and think that employees should be responsible for cheking themselves in. You can't really go anywhere in this place without having someone monitor your every move. Man, I gotta get the fuck outta this place.

More nicknames to come. This is just the beginning, or end. As always, NYC sucks and most of the people that live here can go to hell. Bye for now!