Past Tense Future Present

A scene shifts back and forth in my head, just waitin' for some calling. Who's really calling, some voices from the past? No, I think it's the future tryin' to tell me something. But the sad thing is I forget this shit just as soon as I wake up. I don't know, maybe I'm meant to be doing something else? Ten years ago my days were spent trying to learn the newest manual variation, I think the last thing I actually completed was a switch-stance frontside varial to switch-stance fakie manual - a pretty cool trick - but where'd it get me? Sitting in some office typing here on the last day of Jan 2005. The big silver A/C unit above suddenly turns on and its loud, but I like it because it covers the stale silence that sits in this room like dust that never settles, like small particles that float around in your water glass and never fall to the bottom. But when it turns on the shock is great, and instant. I just begin to get into it when in cuts off, dead. The silence is so stark then, I can barely stand it. I spend most of my day waiting for the damn thing to turn on, then shut off, and turn on again. An endless, antagonizing struggle that never finds a rhythm. Rhythm in struggle? Sure, why not. Everything has got a rhythm to it, even the negative things.
Where is this going? I don't know, and I think it helps sometimes to not know where yr heading.
But I do remember, before sleep, 10 years old in bed. Staring up at the popcorn ceiling and just trying everything to fall asleep - it was always hard, still is - but once that heater started up (or A/C) the lovely low hum would soon wash over me and gently lull me into a deep, blue sleep. I loved that sound, and I miss it now, the white noise of yesteryear.
So all is dream, and the nights when I do dream - and remember in the morning - I always feel some sort of peace. But mostly what I remember are the strange, soft voices of the future mingling with the present to help coax the past into speaking a bit. And they do speak sometimes, but it'd be much easier if I had the sound to go with it, the filtered drone of yesterday today.