Sleepless in Albany

So I got home late last night, around 2:00 am. The band I play in had a show in SF last night, we opened, and inevitably, had to stick around for the entire show before we could pack up and leave. Even if we wanted to leave early we couldn't. You see, this fucking weird band called Xiu Xiu headlined, and they have many fans, so we were stuck within a throng of stinky, sweaty and pompous indie-rockers. It's not to say that our band isn't indie rock, we are, but I don't think we exude that conceited, holier-than-thou kind of attitude that most people in this scene exude. For instance, I'm balding, the singer is balding, the bass player is just a little feller, and the organist looks like he just stepped out of a John Muir convention. At any rate, who gives a fuck, right? At least there were people watching us for a change, and some even seemed genuinely interested in the music. I just get sick of all this righteous indignation that the indie guys and gals cop all the time.

I went out to my car at one point while Xiu Xiu was playing, got kind of bored listening to the singer sing about cum on his lips, and some other such eccentric lyrics. I think he attempts to be polyamorous, but really he is just some guy who wants to touch tight indie rock girls butts. While I was at my car, trying to relax, I overheard two girls passing by and speaking loudly about the "indie rock movement". They looked like stuck-up rockers themselves, but were trying to dismiss the entire scene as being basically a self gratifying movement, whose only objective was to be "cool" and "underground". Stupid bitches, they are a part of what they are speaking against, and especially at a Xiu Xiu show - one of the strangest and more disturbing live bands out there - why would these girls even go to a show like this if they weren't into it??? Ahhh, fuck it. I started thinking, though, about indie rock in general, and my take on it is that indie rock music is created by normal people who put their heart and soul into what they do, regardless of what anyone else thinks. And you don't have to like what we do, that is fine, but don't act and dress and go to indie shows if you don't enjoy the music. Because it is really just about the music, not about yr. long, dyed, black hair, too short black pants, and white belt, or the girls these days wearing "ass jeans" with their cracks hanging out. Too funny, really.

So the show ended late, Xiu Xiu weirded everyone into some kind of existential, perverted, catatonic state. Guys were eyeing ass jeaned girls and assed jean girls were eying skinny dudes with meticulously messy hair. I'm old and gross looking, so the girls never eye me anymore, maybe back in '92 for about a month they did, though. Fuck, what am I talking about - I don't worry about that shit anymore - I'll be a married man soon enough, and I very much like the thought of that. I've never had luck with women until I met Sarak. Girls, in general, are mean. Especially when they know that they are good looking, and wear ass jeans.

So I got home late, was mad at Sarak for not going to the show, didn't take my pxl., and had trouble sleeping. There, in the still of the quiet early morning, lay a 33 year old, balding, skinny, OCD'd, ringing in the ears, stink footed, speed speaking, porn watching, mild-mannered, secretly intelligent, and worrier of a man desperately trying to fall asleep. Sleep comes slow, but when it arrives I take it like it will never come again.