Misanthrope vs. Misanthrope

So the other night, after a rock n' roll show held at 12 Galaxies in SF's mighty and decaying Mission district, I almost got into a fight with a street dweller, that is, a homeless person. Why the hell did this happen? Well it could've been due to a number of things, including, but not limited to the following: weird and good spicy homemade Indian food consumed earlier in the evening, beers drank at the club, Comets on Fire's squalling noise and ''70s rock antics, and a bit of the ol' balding, glasses wearing, misanthropic rage that I let build up way too often.

Yeah, maybe all of the above combined and probably, most accurately, it was just my own stupidity and self-loathing that got me into trouble. I really need to learn to keep that under wraps, ya know? It is just not healthy to let the velcro fly like that in the middle of a public place, and in the Mission for chrissakes! So, man, I just don't know why I got into this situation.

The guy came up to us - a small group containing me, Sarak, and Ton Loc. He asked us all for change - a normal homeless encounter for the most part. But, after Sarak and I explained that we had no change, and this is true, he continued to stand there, almost pleading to us, as if we were supposed to go to the nearest ATM and get him some large bills. What the fuck? I hate when these guys do that - makes me feel so guilty. Anyway, Ton Loc had already given him like fifty cents or something, and the homeless guy had a bag of food with him, so he didn't seem too bad. Plus, he seemed pretty high-functioning to me. He could have easily held a job somewhere. But, it is true, I don't know this guy's situation, and there could have been a number of things happening in his life.

I said to him that it looked like he was "hooked up" for the time being, and he didn't take very kindly to this banter. He said, "Man, it takes me four hours just to make enough money to buy a burrito" and that made me feel kind of bad. So the stupid, impulsive and vehement side of my brain just forced me to blurt out "Well, get a job then". I know I should have not said that, and it was a really stupid, cliched thing to say to a person on the street. What happened next, I just don't really know...it just happened so fast, and like a blurry dream. I remember him saying that he was going to beat my ass, and he was really pissed. The next thing I know, I'm standing in front of him, flailing around like a jackass, and jumping up and down, caught in some kind of insane fit of rage. There was no contact made, but I guess I was right up to the guy, making a complete fool of myself. I think I wanted him to think that I was crazy, and then he'd just walk away. But street people are tough, and they have seen EVERYTHING. So he just stood there. And after, when I walked away from him, he started coming after me, yelling "I'll beat your fucking ass!!!!!!!!!!" I really thought I was going to be in a fight. So dumb, so dumb. I am very dumb for doing that. Maybe I need a good beating? Maybe somebody just needs to kick the shit out of me and bring me back to my senses?

Well, I feel really badly for what happened, and luckily, there was no beating involved. Anything could have happened, the guy could have had a knife or some kind of weapon, I guess. He was really mad at me. And I should have not been that mean to him. God, I am stupid, please forgive me, it won't happen again, I promise. And to the misanthrope on the street, from this here misanthrope typing away, I am truly sorry. If I see you again, on the spit and gum laden streets of the Mission, I owe you a nice burrito. I am sorry, sorry, sorry. Ton Loc and Sarak, I am sorry you had to witness that. I will do better, I promise.