Patrick's Underwear

My friend Patrick sent me his boxer shorts. They were "too tight" he said. Patrick lives in Berkeley and suffers from Asperger's syndrome, which is essentially a form of Autism. Patrick is a good guy, he lives independently and tries his best to fit into this demanding world. Hell, I don't suffer from Autism, and I have a hard enough time adapting to these confusing modern times.

So, Pat emailed me and said asked if I wanted his new boxer shorts. For a long time now Pat has been obsessed with underwear, T-shirts, shaving cream, after shave lotion, deodorant and Dr. Pepper. Pat can consume a 20 oz. DP in under 1 minute. I've seen him do this and it is insane. He does not drink water, ever, and never eats fruit. He hates onions as well. I do know that autistic people have very specific needs and preferences. Pat is no stranger to this. He has been known to randomly appear at our door (when we lived in CA) and thrust small samples packets of after shave lotion into our hands. It is such an odd offering, made even stranger by Pat's inability to properly greet someone. There is not so much a formal, "Hello, how are you guys?" as there is, "Hey, I have these things here, do you want them?" We might not see Pat for weeks, and he'll appear or call randomly, launching right into a speedily spat conversation about whatever new situation he's gotten himself into. I usually listen, but sometimes have to cut him off because it is very difficult to hear him talk only about shaving cream for ten minutes straight.


Anyway, yeah, in the above picture I am wearing Pat's underwear. They were clean and freshly laundered upon receipt. I think Pat would be proud of this, though I don't think he would approve of the photo of me in his chonies. Pat, if you're reading this, the boxers fit fine. Thanks. I think I'll keep 'em.