The Unmagic Magician

Half asleep and drifting in and out at every shaky stop, I sit weary and hungry on the E train heading back to Forest Hills. In my intermittent slumber voices ebb and flow throughout the metal vessel. After yet another stop I slowly open my eyes to see the outline of some skinny character standing directly in front of me. He suddenly yells out, "Ok folks, it's showtime!" I'm instantly sucked out of some cozy inner world and placed right into the hands of the Unmagic Magician.

He launches right into some absurd shtick, I happen to be the unlucky fellow that he has randomly picked. I'd rather not have to deal with this fool, but what could I do? I'm not going to move because the train is too crowded, and make him believe that he got the best of me. I was here first and I'm not in the mood for buskers at the moment. No. I will stand my ground and sit here, with a sarcastic grin on my face, as if to say, "I don't give a shit about you and I will not give you any money". This guy, with his suspenders, white shirt, and little top hat does not care; I'm just another white face to him, another visage in the city of 8 million.

He pulls out a string and performs some sort of quick knot trick that becomes tiresome after a few minutes. He's looking at me the entire time while addressing the rest of the car. Why is he picking on me? Fuck this guy; I just want to get home. People are looking at me expecting some sort of reaction--fuck all of them too. The magician takes out a balloon and blows it up; he's talking about making animal shapes or something. I'm trying not to pay attention, but his skinny crotch is practically right in my face. I contemplate getting up and moving, but I want to stand my ground. I was here first. He blows up his pink balloon to the shape of a 3ft tube. He puts the damn thing in his mouth and swallows it whole--like the sword swallowers at Coney Island. This was slightly amusing, yet I let a blank expression come across my face. "Big deal" I think.

The busker then starts directly addressing me, asking me questions, wanting me to partake in his little act. I look around and ignore him with a half smile on my face. He's making jokes about me; he actually flips me off at one point, discreetly while describing his next trick. I can't believe he did that to me. Now I'm quite angry because I never asked for any of this. I should just stand up right now and punch him in his ugly little face. No. I can't be reduced to what he wants/needs. I'll just completely ignore him when he's finished and invariably asks for money.

The train is rumbling along and I know this can't last much longer. My stop is less than 3 minutes away. The Unmagic Magician is getting tired; I can see it in his eyes. He's getting no love from anyone on the train. Is there any wonder at all? This dude's a total asshole. How do you expect to earn someone's respect when you do shitty magic tricks and then flip people off? This city is all fucked up.

He pulls out a little bottle of bubble liquid. He announces something about his "final trick". Thank god. He whips out a little bubble wand and dips it into the liquid. He blows one small bubble and it gently floats to the top of the car. In an instant he snatches the bubble out of the air and reveals that instead of a bubble he now has a solid, clear, acrylic sphere in his hand. Okay, that was kind of a cool trick, I suppose. He then takes the small, hard ball and, to demonstrate its solidness, he violently tosses it up and it slams into the ceiling of the car, leaving a small but very noticeable dent. His show is over. My stop is here. I look down to grab my bag and when I get up the Unmagic Magician is gone, almost as quickly as he had appeared.

Riding on the E train, almost everyday, I sit and read or listen to music. There has since been no sign of the Unmagic Magician. But his presence remains. I occasionally look up and see several small dents on the ceiling. About the size of a small, clear hard ball. I look at those little dents, chuckle to myself, and think "What a fucking asshole". This magician--his magic, so very unmagical.